And I'm Gone, Gone, Gone, Gone
by HollyDust2334
Summary: The pressures of Hollywood are getting to much for James. One-shot songfic to the song Bullet by Hollywood Undead. WARNING: Suicide, may be triggering. (M not for swear words, for suicide content)


**A/N HAYYYYYY First fanfic (almost) … yeahhhhh to the song "Bullet" by Hollywood Undead. Also giving credit to Fallenangelqueen, whose story The End is Better Then The Beginning, as chapter whatever (I couldn't find it! Don't kill me!) as she mentions James listening to "Bullet". **

WARNING: May be triggering.

P.S. I don't own Big Time Rush, oh but if I did…

James P.O.V

I know I wanted the Hollywood life, but it's become too much. As I stood on top of Rocque Records, watching the sun go down after a day of rehearsal, I turned on my IPod.

_My legs are dangling off the edge,_

_The bottom of the bottle is my only friend,_

Oh the irony that this song just 'happens' to play.

_I think I'll slit my wrists again and I'm gone, gone, gone, gone._

_My legs are dangling off the edge,_

I tried to get help form the guys, even Katie and Momma Knight. I went as far as asking Gustavo for help.

_A stomach full of pills didn't work again,_

_I'll put a bullet in my head and I'm gone, gone, gone, gone._

But they all ignored me. They said I was exaggerating. I NEVER exaggerate. Well… except for that one time.

_Gone too far and yeah I'm gone again,_

_It's gone on too long; tell you how it ends,_

As I sat on a little edge on the roof, I checked my phone. It's 9:00 now. Kendall, Logan, Carlos, even Katie texted me.

(5:24) Katie Bear: James? Where you hiding?

(6: 30) Loganator: James, you've been gone for over an hour, just answer your godamn phone.

(7:00) Carlitos: James? Where are you? This isn't funny. We're gonna call the cops…

(8:40) Kendork: JAMES YOU'VE BEEN GONE FOR 4 HOURS! WHAT IS SO IMPORTANT THAT YOU'VE GONE OFF!

Ouch, Logan never cusses unless he's real pissed.

_I'm sitting on the edge with my 2 best friends,_

_One's a bottle of pills, ones a bottle of gin,_

Have you ever wished real hard for something, then when it comes to you, you hate it? Like x-ray glasses Carlos and I ordered when we were 8.

_I'm 20 stories up; yeah I'm up at the top,_

_I'll polish off this bottle, now it's pushing me off,_

That's what my life is; only I can't return it. I'm stuck with the decisions that I made, and royally messed up on.

_Asphalt to me has never looked so soft,_

_I bet my momma found my letter, now she's calling the cops,_

I looked at the ground, to my phone that read 9:17. I pondered how I should tell them all goodbye…

_I gotta take this opportunity before I miss it,_

_'Cause now I hear the sirens and they're off in the distance,_

_Believe me when I tell you that I've been persistent,_

_'Cause I'm more scarred, more scarred than my wrist is,_

Kendall P.O.V.

Okay, okay, it's been 4 FREAKING HOURS AND JAMES ISN'T BACK!

"Where did you last see James?" asks the police officer across from me.

_I've been trying too long, with too dull of a knife,_

_But tonight I made sure that I sharpened it twice,_

"As I said 5 times, at Rocque Records for rehearsal 4 hours ago!" I replied.

_I never bought a suit before in my life,_

_But when you go to meet God, you know you wanna look nice._

Once the police finally leave, I go to the kitchen to grab a cookie, only to see a sobbing Carlos.

"Carlos, if anyone asks, I've gone off to find James, got it?" I say as the idea pops in my head.

My reply is a small head nod from the Latino.

_So if I survive, then I'll see you tomorrow, yeah I'll see you tomorrow._

James P.O.V.

"… and it's better off this way. My final goodbye, James."

_My legs are dangling off the edge,_

_The bottom of the bottle is my only friend,_

_I think I'll slit my wrists again and I'm gone, gone, gone, gone,_

"There." I thought as I sent the last message to Logan.

_My legs are dangling off the edge,_

_A stomach full of pills didn't work again,_

_I'll put a bullet in my head and I'm gone, gone, gone, gone._

I put my phone next to me, and look around to see if anyone's here. Nope, deserted.

_We hit the sky, there goes the light, no more sun, why's it always night?_

_When you can't sleep, well, you can't dream,_

_When you can't dream, well, what's life mean?_

Kendall P.O.V.

As I ran to Rocque Records, I felt a vibration. A text, maybe from James.

_We feel a little pity, but don't empathize_

_The old are getting older, watch a young man die,_

It wa… what?!

_A Mother and a Son and someone you know, smile at each other and realize you don't,_

_You don't know what happened to that kid you raised,_

From Jamez: I know I've been gone for 4 hours. And you most likely won't see me breathing again.

_What happened to the Father, who swore he'd stay?_

_I didn't know 'cause you didn't say,_

I'm at Rocque Records, I never left. You'll probably find me on the ground, but if you're fast enough, you may catch me.

_Now Momma feels guilt, yeah Momma feels pain,_

_When you were young, you never thought you'd die,_

I'm done with life. All life has done was screwed with me. You're probably thinking "_But James, you got famous like you wanted"_.

_Found that you could but too scared to try,_

However, like they say, Fame isn't all it's cracked up to be.

So I'm leaving…

_You looked in the mirror and you said goodbye,_

_Climb to the roof to see if you could fly._

…and it's better off this way. My final goodbye, James.

I practically flew to Rocque Records.

_So if I survive, then I'll see you tomorrow, yeah I'll see you tomorrow._

_James P.O.V._

_My legs are dangling off the edge,_

_The bottom of the bottle is my only friend,_

I wasn't sure how to go about this, but I had to go fast. I thought of all life's done to me.

_I think I'll slit my wrists again and I'm gone, gone, gone, gone,_

1: Made me pretty

_My legs are dangling off the edge,_

2: Killed my father

_A stomach full of pills didn't work again,_

3: Made me famous

_I'll put a bullet in my head and I'm gone, gone, gone, gone._

As I finally push myself off the edge, song still playing, I hear the last few lines, and a familiar scream.

_I wish that I could fly, way up in the sky,_

_Like a bird so high,_

_Oh I might just try,_

_I wish that I could fly, way up in the sky,_

_Like a bird so high,_

_Oh I might just try,_

Kendall's.

_Oh I might just try._

**A/N: Well how was that for first fanfic? I know it's disturbing, but hey, it's been stuck in my head for a while.**


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